Soul Talk Counselling

Sharing Your Inner Beauty

2008-07-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was thinking that I haven’t written on my blog for some time, and was having trouble getting my creative juices flowing into my keyboard. However, last week somebody showed me some of their creativity in the form of a journal she had been writing a drawing in. I felt very moved and honoured as she allowed me to read some very personal thoughts and feelings. This person has had some very difficult times in her childhood and is having the courage to heal her inner child by connecting to her and giving her some very welcome attention. The following is a poem written from the heart and I’d like to say a big ‘thank you’ to Paula for sharing it with me and anyone else who reads this blog. I hope it inspires them in the healing of their inner self.

Blossom of Life

You grow and grow
But the winds of time
Can knock your petals
And down you fall

Be strong
Entwined with love and care
You will grow into a
Lovely flowering blossom.

Peace and beauty
Cannot be destroyed
But created in your
Heart

By Paula Whitfield

Grief & Loss

2007-12-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

GRIEF AND LOSS.
Many counsellors advertise their services for Grief & Loss and on the next line will advertise counselling for Bereavement. So what do they mean? What other losses other than the loss of a loved one, would you go to a counsellor for help with?

Well, there are many including:
*Have you ever moved house when you didn’t really want to, either for the sake of a job or a partner’s needs or work? The loss of a home we love, and the part of the country we love can cause major reverberations through us emotionally.
*The loss of grown-up children when they move from home.
*The loss of a job through redundancy means also the loss of work colleagues, routine and of course, regular income.
*The start of a marriage or committed relationship - although usually a happy time, means the loss of single life.
*The end of a relationship can often bring feelings of grief and loss, even if it is our decision to end the relationship.
*The loss of a pet can be a major event in our life.
*The loss of one’s precious things through theft can create havoc within us.

Recently I had the experience of having a thief steel a personal item and this prompted me to write this article. Now, compared to the loss of a loved one, a job or pet, my recent loss is a small and, to some, seemingly insignificant. However, it has prompted all sorts of emotions within me and I wanted to write this to remind people that ALL emotions are valid and are to be engaged with and not dismissed, even when a friend says ‘it’s time to move on’. What do they know of how we feel. How did they deal with losses in their life? Possibly not that well.

I was out shopping in York with a friend last week. I was feeling pretty good; work was going well, personal relationships good, health fine. I had a feeling of general well-being. That is until late in the afternoon. On coming out of a shop I noticed that all of a sudden, I felt my handbag feel very light. There was a feeling of panic as I looked in my bag and saw that my purse was gone. It was dark and there was no-one running away or looking suspicious; even if they were, it would have been difficult to see. I remembered where I had last used my purse and we searched in the last couple of shops in case I’d accidentally dropped it. But to no avail.

My hands were shaking and I could feel the ‘shake’ right throughout my body. I felt like crying, the feeling sitting in my chest. But I swallowed it down and kept a hold of myself as my friend found the number to cancel my bank cards. I wracked my brain to think of anything else which may have been in my purse besides some hard-earned cash and various debit/credit cards. There was my driving licence, a few personal items: a couple of pictures of loved ones and - yes, I will admit to this, my ‘lucky shell’- shows you how much that kind of thing works!

As I phoned the police and reported the theft, what had happened gradually started to sink in. I drove home feeling distinctly unsafe and ‘wobbled’ inside. I made the conscious decision over the coming weekend not to go out of my home as I felt I needed to stay where I was safe. However, this feeling was marred as I received a couple of strange phone calls from a with-held number. Now they were really invading my personal space.

Throughout this past week I have had such a range of emotions: a lot of sadness and a feeling of heaviness within. A feeling of tiredness - of life generally. Also, feelings of being alone and picked on, coming up on an evening out with friends. The sides of my mouth seemed very reluctant to raise into a smile. One day I whizzed around the supermarket at top speed, clutching tightly to my handbag like a woman possessed.
And then there was the anger. Now what to do with that? Aim it at the husband? Not a good idea, I was in need of extra hugs this week! I observed all these feelings washing through me. I also checked out if I was in a fit state to work with my clients. My Supervisor had asked if I needed a good cry. I knew I did, but it was only a purse for goodness’ sake, I thought, and it was a very busy week.

So on I went until the following Friday evening which, for me is my Karate lesson. Now, I’m only a beginner and usually enjoy the challenge of doing something which feels like it doesn’t come naturally. However, half way through the lesson I seemed to dissolve into a sea of emotion. The humiliation, the anger, the sadness came rushing through me like Sunami waves. And my (almost) ever patient and loving husband had to come out of our lesson early and drive me home.

So what do you do when your emotions are ‘up’ and there’s no therapist available? The hugs from the husband weren’t quite hitting the spot now. The cup of tea, glass of wine, even a big bar of chocolate wasn’t going to ease me through this!
My way in this situation may sound like common sense to some and total ‘new age’ madness to others, but for me this works every time.

I took my feelings to a tree.
Armed with a torch and rain coat I put on my boots. My whole body, especially, my legs, felt heavy, weighed down with emotion as I trudged through the wet grass towards our big poplar tree which had been calling me all week. I flattened myself against the trunk and breathed deeply into the tree to connect fully with it. Then for quite some time I talked and cried from the deepest part of myself as if giving my emotions to the tree. And as if by magic, the heaviness within me lifted and I knew I would be back in balance. I turned and rested with my back against the trunk, listening to the sounds of the night. I could hear the soft calling of an unknown animal, there was a soft breeze and I could sense the softness of the damp earth under my feet. I felt re-connected with nature, with life and with myself. I asked ‘what do I do now?’ It was if the tree answered (some may say it was my subconscious mind saying), ‘go and love your husband and write about these emotions’.

There are various reasons why I wanted to write this on my blog - apart from helping keep my website up on the Google listing!
*Firstly I wanted to point out how big an impact on people relatively small losses in life can have and how much deeper and painful the impact of bigger losses feel.
*Secondly, that loss and grief are such a complicated mish-mash of emotions, and that they often don’t surface in a straight-forward way.
*Also, that they can only be held on to for a limited period of time before they surface in one way or another, often subconsciously, the emotions being aimed at those closest to us, or even in to ourselves.
*I also wanted to share a personal story in order to help anyone who reads this who is dealing with any kind of loss and grief. (As a counsellor, I only self-disclose if it is going to be of help to a client).

My story is one of a relatively small loss and a fairly swift process of emotions, but is told with an awareness and understanding of other much larger and deeper losses within myself and others.

However, ALL emotions are important and to be honoured. So if you are dealing with grief and loss of any kind, honour the process, engage as fully with the range of emotions as you are able. Ask for what you need, whether it is patience and kindness from friends and family or for the help of a trained counsellor or therapist to assist you.
And lastly NEVER say to anyone, whether they have lost a purse, a pet or a loved one. “I think its time you moved on now”. Because only they will know when that time is.

Inspired Writing!

2007-10-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

The following two pieces of writing were given to my husband, Steve, by students on his latest hypnotherapy training course. I am very honoured to be part of this and other courses, my role being to provide general back-up and support teaching. I never cease to be inspired by the students' wilingness to engage with the process of the courses, often opening up to their own inner wounding, and having such trust in their peers as well as myself and Steve.

This first piece was written by one of the students, Liz Burton, during the final week of the course, sharing the beauty of inner healing through hypnotherapy.
Thank you Liz, we were all very moved on reading this.

The Voice

As the Voice begins to speak I feel myself adrift
Rocking gently in a boat surrounded by the mist
Made up of memories of this life and before
The Voice becomes a beacon guiding safely to the shore

Everyday sounds are lost to me, it's just the Voice I hear
As if a thousand angels whisper softly in my ear
I trust the Oice with all my heart as it gently draws me in
To find the answers that I seek hidden deep within

Sometimes no words are spoken as I drift through time and space
The precious gift of healing that no words can replace
Somewhere between the silence and the grace to let me be
Patiently the Voice abides and keeps me company

This kind and soothing, quiet Voice I've come to know as friend
One day passes from my life as our shared journey ends
But the Voice bequeaths a music that my Soul knows how to play
And I will dance on to it's tune forever from this day

The second piece was emailed by another student, Rebecca Bend. I think that these words encompass and echo the courage required to embark on any inner journey, whether it be Counselling, Hypnotherapy or another way. Thanks Rebecca!

SPIRITUAL WARRIOR

Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.
The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival.

No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,
exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.

Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.
The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.
With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being

Author unknown

Hypnotherapy in Counselling

2007-09-20T07:06:00.001-07:00

Hypnotherapy. What it isn’t when used in a professional therapeutic context:

The word Hypnotherapy conjures up all sorts of thoughts and images: those of the stage hypnotist making members of the audience do silly and embarrassing things. The idea that the person is under the control of the hypnotherapist, the idea that you don’t remember anything afterwards, that you’re somehow asleep, and perhaps the fear that the hypnotherapist will implant false memories in your mind.

Hypnotherapy. What it really is when used in a professional therapeutic context:

Hypnotherapy is quite simply a way of creating a relaxed state of inner awareness. The hypnotic state which is called ‘trance’ is a totally natural way of being which we all go in and out of every day, often without realising it. Have you ever been driving along in your car and all of sudden you think ‘wow, how did I get here already?’ It seems like your mind ‘skipped’ a chunk of time or a portion of the road and you didn’t really notice you were driving. Your mind actually was focussing on something else and you were in the trance state. However, you were probably driving along quite safely at the same time that your mind was elsewhere. Our minds are amazing in what they can do - and yes, men have multi-tasking minds too in the hypnotherapy sense!
When hypnotherapy is used in a therapeutic way, this trance state is created intentionally in a very pleasurable way, often with guided imagery, or focussed relaxation of the body. You can very easily learn how to take yourself into this trance state in order to relax and alleviate stress, sleep better, or to access your own inner ‘knowing’ about something.

So what is the aim of inducing this relaxed state in a therapy session?

As a Counsellor I incorporate hypnotherapy into my sessions with clients in order to help them gain access to their Subconscious mind. This is a vast memory-bank which is often ignored during our everyday life when we are busy using our conscious mind to do our daily tasks. The knowledge held in our Subconscious minds includes happy and positive things as well as difficult memories of things which have happened in this lifetime, including our birth, and time in the womb. The subconscious sometimes brings this knowledge and emotion to our attention without us realising it. Perhaps we may become angry for seemingly no reason at all, or maybe we have a disturbing dream when our everyday life seems to be OK. Its always the subconscious trying to communicate to us, letting us know there is inner emotional work to be done. The Subconscious is also the part of us which keeps us safe so that memories which are too overwhelming for us to cope with emotionally will be withheld until we are in a balanced enough state to cope with them.

The Subconscious memories don’t stop with our lifetime’s memories. I also work with Genealogical Memories. These are significant emotional events which may have happened to our ancestors, to the generations before us. This may be our parents, grandparents, great grandparents or much further down the ancestral line. These events and the emotions which go with them can be handed down in our body’s cellular memory and may be affecting us in our everyday lives without us realising it.

And then there are Past Life Memories.
Now when it comes to past life therapy as a genuine professional Therapy, my middle name used to be Sceptic! However, having been married to a Hypnotherapist for the past two years, after hearing wonderful reports of healing from his clients and having been involved in helping teach Steve’s therapy courses, (see links), and most of all having had experience of incorporating Past Life Therapy into my Counselling framework, I believe that it has its place in Professional Therapy. Before I trained as a therapist or even heard of Past Life Therapy, I had had experiences of just ‘knowing’ about my own previous lifetimes; of places I had known before and people in this life who had different relationships with me in previous ones. These things I just accepted and didn’t feel the need to know more, and I still feel like this. However, with my knowledge and experience of Therapy I understand how shifting difficult emotions from within us (wherever they may originate), can be of the utmost benefit to us.

How do we know which Significant Emotional Events to focus on?
How do we know whether someone is holding on to This Life, Genealogical or Past Life Emotions? We ask the Subconscious Mind of course! As Hypnotherapists, we have a safe structured way of asking the Subconscious mind open, non-leading questions to which it can answer yes or no. So we trust the client’s Subconscious Mind for direction.

Having a look back at previous events and connecting with the emotions involved is called Regression Therapy. This is the main way that I use Hypnotherapy in Counselling, and was the focus of my written work to gain Accreditation with British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (see links). It was good to find out that one of the leading Accrediting Bodies in therapy was open to using Hypnotherapy in a professional way.

There are many other ways in which Hypnotherapy can be used in the therapeutic framework. For instance, in retraining the mind to have healthy eating and drinking habits or to stop smoking. Also, for connecting to positive memories and events when a person felt good about themselves. Bringing these feelings back can help boost confidence and self-esteem. I have had experience of bringing back positive past life memories to help in this life. I keep meaning to attempt to find out if I have past life knowledge of martial arts stored away somewhere in my Subconscious. I am currently a student of Karate, but its not coming that naturally in this lifetime. I’ll keep you posted on what I find out!

In the meantime, if you fancy communicating with your subconscious with the help of one of Steve’s Cds, contact me on; DianeCBC@aol.com. There are two cds:
* General Relaxation £10 incl. p&p
* Past Life Regression £15 incl. p&p
Both of these are safe to do at home and are not designed to take you into any major emotions, but are a gentle introduction to accessing your Subconscious Mind.

You can also contact me on the above address or tel. 01482 870874 if you feel you may benefit from Counselling/Hypnotherapy.

Psychospiritual Counselling - What is that all about?

2007-09-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been asked by one or two of my clients about the word, ‘Psychospiritual’ which is written on a couple of my Diplomas and on the first page of my Website. I know the word can conjure up many thoughts and questions. I thought that I would try and explain this today.
So lets break it down a little.

Psycho - psychological, psychotherapy - therapy for the mind. Helping the mind make sense of things. Finding other ways to think about things. Maybe re-training the mind to think in a healthier, happier way. For me, Hypnotherapy is a wonderful tool to do this, as well as for accessing hidden emotions. But more about Hypnotherapy later.

What about the word ‘spiritual?’ Some people will wonder what on earth it has to do with counselling for everyday problems? Is it a religious thing? Is it against religion? Others may think that I am some sort of psychic ready with my tarot cards and communicating with the deceased. Let me assure you this is definitely not the case! I have every respect for those who do this, however I work with the spiritual aspect of a client - and myself - in a different way.

For me our ‘spiritual’ connection is not a religious thing, nor is it against any religion. For me it means our connection to the Everything - and by that I mean our Individual Emotional, Physical and Mental Self, our connection to other Humans, and to the other ‘worlds’ which live on the Earth ie. the Animals, Plants and the Mineral Worlds. It is also our connection and relationship with the Earth itself. For we are all interconnected with, and indeed, part of all these things and can either have a healthy or unhealthy relationship with any of them.

Another word which can be used instead of Psychospiritual is Transpersonal. The person’s understanding of themself and the world transcends the initial understanding of an isolated personality and body and connects with the universal consciousness and interconnectedness. From this position we can see life’s problems and difficulties in a whole new way, giving us freedom to chose our life’s path.

In therapy, initially, it is the client’s relationship with themselves and other humans which is addressed. You may like to think about the following questions:
*How well do you know yourself in your 4 aspects: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual.
*How kind and understanding are you to yourself?
*How critical and hard on yourself are you?
*Is the inner critic really you or is it the voice of a parent or significant other?
*When you feel upset or anxious, how old do you feel inside? Are these familiar feelings from long ago?
*Are you aware of your body-knowing? - that feeling deep inside your physical body which can guide you in life.
*How often do you go out in nature and really feel a part of it?

I believe in bringing the spiritual down to earth and have been known to hug a few trees. Some people connect to this part of themselves by hiking, climbing mountains, gardening, going for a walk in the moonlight, playing a musical instrument, singing, dancing, writing. In which way do you connect? If not, what is stopping you: fear, sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt? Or something else? Perhaps its time to make a connection somewhere.

Sometimes a connection with a professional Therapist is what is needed to start you off. Someone who won’t judge or criticize, someone who will treat you with respect and honesty and help you to see who you really are under the accumulated conditioning, limited thinking and weighty emotions. This is the work I do.

Recently I was given a copy of this quotation by Albert Einstein which resonated with me:
‘A human being is a part of a whole, called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He/she experiences him/herself, thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest…. A kind of optical delusion of the consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty’.

This is my first ‘post’ on my blog page. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I’ll be back soon with more about Hypnotherapy….

A new kind of counselling comes to Beverley

2007-08-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

hello world...